People, it’s here–the uber craft project that is Halloween that strikes fear into many a craft mamas heart.  Let me start this season of spookiness with a horror story for this week’s crafty post.

Gather round the campfire friends as I tell you this story with a flashlight under my chin.  The frightening crafty tale  of the Peach’s first Halloween costume…

But first a bit of backstory.

When I was seven I was given the role of a woodpecker to play in the school play. When I came skipping home to my mother telling her I needed a woodpecker costume in two days, I didn’t notice how all of the color drained from her face.

My mother is a lot of things, charming, smart, funny as all get out, but she doesn’t possess a single crafty bone in her body.  I realized this the day she presented me with the World’s Saddest Costume–one of my brother’s white undershirts with two “feathers” cut out from a brown paper bag and half drawn in with a blue ball point pen.  And then a couple of feather-like shapes drawn onto the t-shirt with the same blue ball point pen skipping fabric every inch or so.  And not in a straight line.

You have to understand that I took a vow that day when I was seven. As grand a vow as Scarlett said when after she ate that scrawny carrot and held her fist claiming she would never be hungry again.  I promised my future children that they would never be embarrassed by their Halloween and or school play costumes!

Fast forward 30 years later and there I sat Halloween tired after a week’s worth of cleaning, cooking, baby wrangling and a full time job eating those innocent words I spit out as I furiously attempt to finish the Peach’s costume in time to take her out and “show her off” to the neighbors.

I was so innocent at the beginning. I came up with the sweetest idea. How about a widdle bumble bee Halloween costume?  Surely, I could pull that off. I used to work in the costume shop for my college’s theater department. I’ve owned my own sewing machine for 30 years!  I would just make a cute little A-line jumper made of warm black and yellow  felt that will keep her cozy and match it with a hand knit hat. Perfect, right?

Except I used a dull old rotary cutter to cut the strips of yellow, so it looks like I was drunk when I cut them…

• And I forgot to match the edges, so the stripes were off..
• And then I  tried to fix the too wide stripes after I sewed it together by adding more not straight stripes with glue…
• And since  felt and glue aren’t best friends, the additional stripes kept falling off…
• And, OK, maybe I used some staples to hold the stupid stripes in place…
• And the knit hat was too big, so I decreased and accidentally made it too small..
• And I forgot to buy pipe cleaners to get the antenna straight…
• And I ran out of time to make yellow tulle wings…
• And I… well….  Here you go.

Part bumble bee/part hobo and 100 percent CRAFT FAIL.

You can see her little antennas have wilted out of craft shame. Nice matching stripes, eh?

I think she was cute enough to get away with it.  But she knew this wasn’t right.  She can’t even look directly at the camera out of baby disgust with my crafting.

I promise, kid, I’ll buy you a costume this year…

Just wait until you see my Halloween make-good costume for the Peach this year.

To be continued…