People, it’s here–the uber craft project that is Halloween that strikes fear into many a craft mamas heart.Â Let me start this season of spookiness with a horror story for this week’s crafty post.
Gather round the campfire friends as I tell you this story with a flashlight under my chin.Â The frightening crafty taleÂ of the Peachâ€™s first Halloween costume…
But first a bit of backstory.
When I was seven I was given the role of a woodpecker to play in the school play. When I came skipping home to my mother telling her I needed a woodpecker costume in two days, I didnâ€™t notice how all of the color drained from her face.
My mother is a lot of things, charming, smart, funny as all get out, but she doesn’t possess a single crafty bone in her body.Â I realized this the day she presented me with the Worldâ€™s Saddest Costumeâ€“one of my brotherâ€™s white undershirts with two â€œfeathersâ€ cut out from a brown paper bag and half drawn in with a blue ball point pen.Â And then a couple of feather-like shapes drawn onto the t-shirt with the same blue ball point pen skipping fabric every inch or so.Â And not in a straight line.
You have to understand that I took a vow that day when I was seven. As grand a vow as Scarlett said when after she ate that scrawny carrot and held her fist claiming she would never be hungry again.Â I promised my future children that they would never be embarrassed by their Halloween and or school play costumes!
Fast forward 30 years later and there I sat Halloween tired after a weekâ€™s worth of cleaning, cooking, baby wrangling and a full time job eating those innocent words I spit out as I furiously attempt to finish the Peachâ€™s costume in time to take her out and “show her off” to the neighbors.
I was so innocent at the beginning. I came up with the sweetest idea. How about a widdle bumble bee Halloween costume?Â Surely, I could pull that off. I used to work in the costume shop for my college’s theater department. I’ve owned my own sewing machine for 30 years!Â I would just make a cute little A-line jumper made of warm black and yellowÂ felt that will keep her cozy and match it with a hand knit hat. Perfect, right?
Except I used a dull old rotary cutter to cut the strips of yellow, so it looks like I was drunk when I cut themâ€¦
- And I forgot to match the edges, so the stripes were off..
- And then IÂ tried to fix the too wide stripes after I sewed it together by adding more not straight stripes with glueâ€¦
- And sinceÂ felt and glue arenâ€™t best friends, the additional stripes kept falling offâ€¦
- And, OK, maybe I used some staples to hold the stupid stripes in placeâ€¦
- And the knit hat was too big, so I decreased and accidentally made it too small..
- And I forgot to buy pipe cleaners to get the antenna straightâ€¦
- And I ran out of time to make yellow tulle wingsâ€¦
- And Iâ€¦ wellâ€¦.Â Here you go.
Part bumble bee/part hobo and 100 percent CRAFT FAIL.
You can see her little antennas have wilted out of craft shame. Nice matching stripes, eh?
I think she was cute enough to get away with it.Â But she knew this wasnâ€™t right.Â She canâ€™t even look directly at the camera out of baby disgust with my crafting.
I promise, kid, Iâ€™ll buy you a costume this yearâ€¦
Just wait until you see my Halloween make-good costume for the Peach this year.
To be continued…